Test Subjects
Cuddy pushed into Diagnostics, clutching two charts in her hand and the way she walked would have put the fear of God into a faithless man.
“…Cameron took it two hours before Chase, so…” House was saying to Wilson and Foreman.
“Are you insane?” Cuddy announced, dropping the charts onto the table and resting her hands on her hips. “This drug is supposed to cure cancer and you’ve given black market versions to two members of your diagnostics team. I honestly didn’t think you could go this far, but you’ve set a new record with yourself.”
House gave Cuddy his best ‘innocent’ me look.
“House,” she protested. “Why are you doing this?”
“They agreed,” was the simple answer. “Though I did have to bribe Chase into doing it.”
Cuddy sighed and took a seat. “So? When are they due in?”
“Soon.”
And the waiting began.
*
Foreman and Wilson were playing a game with a quarter while House paced and glanced towards the door every once in a while. Cuddy, for her part, just leaned against the wall with her arms crossed.
“Are we expecting this drug to actually work?” Foreman asked dubiously, spinning the quarter and watching as Wilson grasped it up and flipped it, calling ‘heads’ to himself. At the very same moment, Cuddy was sighing in the corner and House did his best to ignore them all. The sound of Foreman’s pager buzzing got everyone’s attention and he grabbed it out. “It’s Cameron,” he said, incredulously. “It worked.”
House slowly smiled, vindictive, staring at the door. “I knew it would.”
They went back to their activities and Cuddy even shifted, her body language screaming that she was ready to leave and go right back to her office to focus on ‘productive’ work. Of course, all of this was right up until he came to the door, looking tall and wearing reading glasses, and looking every bit a skittish baby deer.
“Hey guys,” he greeted, taking off the messenger bag and setting it on the table. “I had to stop and get a coat. That’s why I’m late.”
Foreman rose from his chair and
He gave Cameron a long look, up and down.
“What are you packing down there?” House pointed.
Cameron shrugged. “I don’t know. Seven inches?”
“Mazeltov,” House announced, reciting the new facts into the machine. “Subject is wearing a trendy pair of pants and shirt, indicating fashion sense carried over. Cameron, who are you more attracted to? Cuddy or
“House!” Cuddy,
Foreman wandered closer and looked up at Cameron. “Your eyes definitely carried over. I’m impressed. It actually sort of resembles you. How’s it feel?” he asked, always the professional.
Cameron wandered inside, looking a little awkward in the walk. “Weird,” he admitted, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “The testosterone thing is…weird. And I spent a good half hour just looking at what’s changed.”
Cuddy just stared in awe. “You…consented to this?”
Cameron just looked down at Cuddy and gave a graceful shrug with those new broad shoulders of his. “It was in the name of science,” he answered, voice much lower and almost smoother. “And besides, a single pill, and I’m all back to normal, right?” He laughed, the sound deep and warm, coming from deep inside. He shrugged, giving Cuddy a warm grin. “It’s kind of weird. I mean, it’s nice to have a bit of a change.”
Cuddy just shook her head, sighing. “House, I can’t believe that of all things, you had your staff’s gender rebooted. There is a line, and you are so far past it right now,” she swore away, while House just sipped at his coffee. Cameron, Foreman, and Wilson all hung in the corner, looking avoidant and sheepish. “There are things called ethics, House!” At this point, he started mimicking her as the door slid open, a sound that no one heard with the shouting. “And to slip employees a black market drug that was meant to cure cancer is…is…”
“Wrong?” a new, feminine voice sounded from the door.
Everyone turned quickly to look at the new visitor, who was so very obviously Chase by the looks of things. She was a bit shorter, much more petite, but with perfect hair as always. And…
“Nice rack,” House observed. “Turn, let’s see the ass.”
“House,” Cuddy growled in warning.
Chase was standing five-nine, a tiny frame to her, and setting down a tote bag on the desk, wandering around and taking off the too-big leather coat. She wasn’t thin, really, just smaller. There were curves to her and softness to the face that Chase didn’t have before, but the facial structure had remained startlingly similar. She was wearing a loose button-down with jeans that didn’t exactly fit; neither actually matched.
Chase wandered around the table to set the shoulder-bag down on her usual chair (giving it a wide berth with wider hips than normal), only stopping when Cameron stepped forward. “Hi,” Cameron greeted, almost awkwardly.
Chase glanced up, giving a small smile. “Weird waking up, huh?”
Cameron laughed nervously. “Yeah, more than a little weird.”
House slowly inched forward, embedding himself between the two of them, glancing to Cameron, then to Chase. “Flirt like middle schoolers later,” he instructed, voice lowered. “Now, I get to make fun of you while you do research.”
And like the magic words had been said, the group of them dispersed into different directions, Chase and Cameron giving each other one last once-over, as though checking the other out.
House just watched the scene quietly. He knew what was going to happen; it didn’t take Nostradamus to predict what was coming.
*
Cameron went for drinks at the local bar after work to try and figure out the core physics of the new body. He’d ordered a whisky at the bar and was running a calloused finger around the rim of the glass and peering at the amber liquid. It wasn’t right, exactly, but it wasn’t like it was a crime against nature. It was medical.
Plus, if there was any chance Cameron had cancer, that chance was pretty much obliterated now. Magic cure, and all.
He was so engrossed with the sensation of the scotch on his tongue that Cameron didn’t even notice when he was joined the next stool over by a pretty blonde in a button-down, jeans, and perfect hair. The perfect hair should have been the tip-off.
“Hey,” Chase greeted, ordering a beer for herself.
“Hey,” Cameron replied, keeping it casual; which meant keeping all those really inappropriate thoughts about Chase where they belonged. It was a bit hard when Cameron’s eyes kept slipping curiously to Chase’s chest and she wondered if they’d feel real or like implants.
They looked real.
“Cameron, if you want to touch…” Chase started, sounding playful. When Cameron forcibly lifted his gaze, he was met with what was one of the most carefree smiles he’d ever seen on Chase’s face. Maybe it was the softness? “I’ll buy a drink?” she suggested. “And we can commiserate about House?”
“Sounds good,” he agreed and managed a smile of his own. This was silly. Silly and stupid and it’d all be over soon enough.
They enjoyed their drinks amongst animated discussion about the latest case, lupus, and vasculitis before moving on to a more hushed conversation about the medical and ethical ramifications of the black market pill they’d each taken. Cameron led Chase into a booth in the corner, one large hand kept on the small of Chase’s back as they moved into the table where they stayed until the bar closed at two AM.
Standing outside with his jacket draped over his arms, Cameron glanced at Chase. “You need a ride?” he asked. He’d only had the one drink a few hours ago and had since switched to water while Chase had decided to nurse one bottle of beer for hours.
Chase stopped and looked up at Cameron. In the moonlight and with the alcohol, Chase’s cheeks were flushed pink and she nodded. “To your place? I think I may have forgotten my keys.”
Cameron almost wanted to call bullshit on that, because there was no way that Chase honestly forgot her keys, but some tiny little part in his brain told him that no, this was more interesting. There could be more questions asked and they could test out whether the change was complete.
So he just opened the passenger door for Chase. “In you go, Princess Charming.”
The ride back was filled with silence and somewhere between the bar outside the hospital and Cameron’s place it started to get foggy in a pretty and ethereal kind of way. It fit the mood. He pulled into the parking lot and peered up at the apartment.
“I’m not on meth this time,” he promised, putting the car into park and the eerie quiet of the night echoed around them when Chase didn’t say anything else. “Are you still sure about this?”
“Aren’t you curious?” Chase wondered softly.
Cameron swallowed hard and his body answered before his words could. Looking at Chase in the middle of the early morning in Cameron’s car, he found himself looking at something from the past wrapped up in shiny new clothes. He leaned over the gearshift and wrapped his hand up in the lapel of Chase’s button-down, bringing her closer for a kiss that was rougher than before.
Of course, the only before Cameron had to compare it to was so high in the sky that it beat most FAA-approved flights. And this was different. He was rougher. Chase was softer. And this wasn’t the awkward ‘see you in the morning’ peck that Chase had given her when he left after their last one-night stand.
Chase leaned into the touch, pushing up against Cameron’s hand and running her smaller fingers over Cameron’s cheeks, burying in short strands of hair and making the most frustrating little moans while they kissed. Cameron remembered them from the sex before, but they’d been so much more guttural before. Now, they were just maddeningly arousing.
And whatever Chase was doing with her legs was going to stay in Cameron’s memory for a very long time. She was shifting and twisting, unbuckling and squeezing in between the seats and setting down with a little ‘oof!’ in the back, beckoning Cameron with the crook of a finger. “Seriously,” she said, sounding out of breath. “This time, House won’t know.”
Cameron offered a rueful grin. “House always knows.”
“Yeah, well, we’re both sober. Sort of.”
Cameron followed, broad shoulders almost getting stuck between the leather seats as he crawled atop Chase and they tumbled and spun until they found a semi-comfortable position, with Chase straddling Cameron’s waist. She was laughing a little, kissing Cameron’s neck to muffle the sound.
“Is something funny?”
“Yeah,” Chase agreed. “This whole thing is actually pretty funny.”
But the laughter stopped when Cameron slowly inched down Chase’s jeans and turned Chase’s chin to steal a real kiss as they got undressed enough. Chase dug a condom out of the thick wallet that she was carrying around (she’d told Cameron earlier that she refused to use a purse, knowing what kind of jokes House could make about it). There was a moment where they were so close to just going for it when Cameron stopped and Chase groaned, a soft sound like she was about to lose control.
“Cameron,” she protested.
“Chase, are you…”
“I am sure,” Chase promised. “Seriously. Just…” She writhed a little, moving her hips to create the slightest bit of friction that sent a near-shockwave through Cameron at how good that felt.
Okay. Maybe Cameron was sure now too.
“See?” Chase gasped out, the word breathily exhaled. That little movement might have just done them both in, because after that, there was just no hesitating to be had.
And it went like that, with Chase on top and getting more disheveled by the second and Cameron helping in that department, the way his hands grabbed and gently groped at Chase’s breasts before pushing deep into the mess of blonde hair to tug Chase down for a long kiss as they rocked together in a fast and nearly desperate rhythm that shouldn’t have reminded Cameron of before, but somehow, it did. Maybe it was just an association thing he had going on in his head that had to do with Chase.
Cameron came first.
And that, somehow, was so funny that Chase laughed about it from the moment it happened until Chase’s own climax (the sound of laughter muffled against Cameron’s neck). Chase collapsed, sated atop Cameron, and she was still laughing intermittently in little jagged bursts.
“What,” he gasped, “is so funny?”
Chase just shook her head. “You. This. All of it.”
“I wasn’t trying to make you laugh,” Cameron deadpanned. “I was trying to impress you.” He kissed Chase once more, as if to convince him of that fact and Chase’s laughter softened into a smile and then a wash of expression as she settled atop Cameron and peered out the fogged-up windows of the Saturn. Cameron was still working on catching his breath as Chase seemed to start getting all dressed again.
He just watched Chase zip up her jeans, grab the wallet, kiss Cameron on the jaw before getting out of there as quickly as possible.
Well, some things never changed, at least.
*
The next day at work, there was one little pill sitting on the table and two gender-confused people staring down at it. And of course, the keeper of the pill was staring at them. “One pill. Two of you. Fight for it,” he announced.
Cameron stared down at it, unable to deny that he wanted it badly. With one awkward look at Chase, he tried to communicate just how much he wanted it by expression alone. Being a man was weird and he really wanted this whole experiment to be done with. “Chase, do you…”
Chase was staring up at Cameron with a bemused expression on her face. She looked pretty with her hair all tied up and no actual make-up, but chapstick smeared on her lips. “Go ahead,” she offered.
“Wow,” House reacted loudly, mouth contorting into wide-shapes no one might have ever attempted before. “That’s charitable. I’m guessing you two already knocked boots?” He looked ready to press on, as always, but the door opened and Foreman leaned into the room. “What?” he snapped.
“Cuddy wants to see you.” His eyes flickered over Cameron and Chase. “I’m guessing sooner rather than later.” Then, his gaze went to the pill and he furrowed his brow. “How come there’s only one?”
“Because life is a cruel mistress,” House replied, grabbing for his cane. “Play nicely,” he advised Cameron and Chase before heading out of the room, eyes not leaving their backs until he was completely out of sight.
Chase picked up the pill and Cameron felt a twinge in his stomach, a flash of panic. “Hey, you meant what you said, right?” he asked, almost stringently (and especially so, given the timber and tone of his voice).
Chase just smiled up at Cameron and folded the pill into his hand. That definitely was cause for a sigh of relief. “Hey, Rob,” he cleared his throat. When Chase turned, Cameron stopped for just a second to observe how pretty Chase was in that light. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it,” she shrugged it off, grabbing her labcoat to start a full day’s work.
Cameron, on the other hand, took the pill in hand and headed for the break room. After a good night’s rest, everything would be back to normal. Or at least, he hoped so.
*
When Cameron woke up, the world was groggy.
Or maybe Cameron’s vision was just a little blurry. Peering over at the watch, it narrated that the time was twelve hours since Cameron had stumbled into the on-call room and peering down at her body, she found that yeah, it’d worked. “Oh, thank you, God,” she murmured under her breath. Maybe this wasn’t covered under the everyday workings of people, but she wasn’t about to be ungrateful.
There were three quiet knocks at the door. “Cameron?” Sounded like Chase. And it definitely sounded feminine, so it looked like Chase hadn’t found a second pill just yet. Cameron pulled open the door to find Chase looking ragged with a pair of clothes. “Hey,” Chase greeted. “Time to switch. Foreman found me the spare pill, so I’m crashing and you,” she remarked, extending the clothes, “are on duty.”
Cameron took them and folded them against her smaller frame, never before so glad to be back in her own body. “Thanks, Chase,” she smiled.
Chase just smiled at Cameron – still about an inch taller than her – and just did another casual shrug, like none of this bothered her in any way. “Don’t mention it.” She brushed past Cameron on her way inside, popping the pill in and swallowing it easily. “Hey, Allison?”
Cameron paused and waited for whatever it was that Chase had to say. “Yeah?”
Chase smiled warmly and laughed softly, like she couldn’t believe something. In the end, all she did was lean up and kiss Cameron softly on the lips for a kiss that lasted all of fifteen seconds before Chase eased away. “It was good, the other night. Impressive.”
She gently closed the door before Cameron could manage to form words and she let out a surprised sound, touching her lips with her fingers. The kiss had been unexpected; more of a good kind of unexpected, though. She wandered off to start her shift, feeling a little better than before and thinking that maybe, a little experimentation wasn’t always a bad thing.
THE END